Yesterday morning I woke up feeling optimistic for the week ahead. After a long bank holiday weekend, I felt refreshed and ready for another working week. I got up pretty quickly to go out for my usual pre- work morning cycle. I stepped outside and admired the beautifully blue sky and sun, I felt good. I jumped on my bike and started pedaling to the beach. The roads were fairly quiet and the seafront wasn’t packed like it is during the day- I had a clear run on my bike. As I was rode, breathing in the fresh morning sea air, I felt energised. I didn’t just feel good, I felt GREAT. My mind was full of positive affirmations, I felt in charge of my emotions, I felt a lot of love and appreciation for many things. I became excited for changes that are beginning to take place in both my personal and work life. I just kept on cycling, I didn’t want to stop. It was only the fact that I had to get back home to shower and get to work that made me turn round. That particular ride was my favourite morning ride, to date. The sun and cycling definitely fueled my positive mental attitude for the day. I felt physically and mentally strong- I felt like I could achieve many things.
Now, today, I wake up. It takes me a little longer to get out of bed. The warmth and comfort wants to keep me here. I slowly and groggily get up. I have a somewhat ‘reluctant’ attitude. There’s a heavy feeling I can’t seem to shift, but I just put it down to being tired. I look out of the window, it’s grey- very very grey. I sigh. I manage to get ready for another cycle. Today it’s colder, it’s much windier. I find with each push of the pedal harder than normal. I get caught at every red light. I am not enjoying this, within the first half mile, I already wish I was back home. However I keep going, thinking that ‘I’ll feel more awake soon and will enjoy it then.’ That sometimes happens for me, I feel unhappy when I wake up, but once I’m on my bike, endorphins quickly kick in and I feel SO much better. But this doesn’t happen this time. I get to the big park, ready to do a few laps. I usually like to challenge myself, beat my PR. Today, my heart is just not in it. I feel negative, I feel unhappy. I just want to do some laps and get home. I’m not in the mood to go fast, or to challenge myself. In fact, I’m holding back the tears I can feel prickle my eyes. Today is not a good mental health day. I have no trigger or cause, it’s just one of those days. Once I get home, some of the uneasy feelings go away. However that dark cloud still hangs over me. I’m quiet, I need space and I’m belittling all the positive things. Once I get to work, the heavy feeling still has not shifted. I feel somewhat pessimistic, despite some potential positive changes that may be taking place. Today I do not feel physically or mentally strong.
However, am I glad I went out on my bike this morning?- Yes. Am I glad that I didn’t stay in bed feeling glum- Yes. Can I say that I did something for myself and worked on myself- Yes.
What I’m trying to say is, not be so hard on myself/yourself. The bad mental days will come and go, some days will be harder than others. But we need to remind ourselves of all of our achievements we do on a daily basis, no matter how small. We got up, we went out and we did something. And that’s surely something to be positive about.